I pined for you and what you represent,
My creativity, expression lacking, forcing discontent.
A huge missing piece in the search for I,
An anchor, a reference, from times gone by.
Now, too late to know you in physical form,
Lost chances of poker, gin and tonic ‘til dawn,
Can’t hear your voice, feel your touch, see the glint in your eye,
Share laughter together, a synchronised sigh.
My new found cousin sent photos, I drank hungrily,
Your face looks out from the laptop screen,
Long nose, full lips, ebony hair,
Confident, sexy, a touch debonair.
Your eyes, your eyebrows, a version of mine,
Us separated by propriety, a curse of your time.
Shall I truly know you by looking in your eyes?
See the secrets they hold, the answers they provide.
You made my Father, he formed in your womb,
Grew to adulthood, made a child of his own,
Could not keep me, decision made,
No time for responsibility, much fun to be had.
So I was adopted, to others sent,
A nice family blessed with good intent,
Given what was needed as society said,
Fed, watered, allocated a bed.
She won’t know the difference,
A baby doesn’t feel
The pain of separation,
Too young to know ordeal.
On the surface yes, but not deep inside,
A part of me floundering, undernourished, almost died,
The wrong place, the wrong strengths, the wrong weaknesses,
Square peg, round hole, it didn’t make sense.
I needed you Nina, for my place to be
Was safe and sound with my real family.
The place I belong, the place where I share
Likeness, commonality, the right to be there.
The place where I find freedom to be
Myself, all that I am.
Where my soul expression finds,
Creativity unshackled driving peace of mind.
